Dear Cassie: A friend told me that my son gets to decide who he lives with (my ex-husband or me) when he turns 12. Is that accurate?
-N.P.
Dear N.P.:
No, this information is not accurate–although it is one of the most common misconceptions of people who have consultations with me about custody and parenting time of their children.
By definition, custody and parenting time of children is fact-sensitive–meaning, based on the specific facts of each particular case. New Jersey’s custody statute identifies 14 factors that a court must consider in determining custody of a child. Only one of those factors is “the preference of the child when of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent decision.” As any parent would know, the specific age by which a child has the maturity level to be able to develop an informed opinion depends on the child. And, while a child’s opinion may be relevant in certain cases, in no case is the child ever responsible for making the ultimate decision. Only the judge (or the parties, in settlement) can make that decision.
If you need assistance with custody, you should seek the advice of matrimonial counsel.
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Cassie Murphy is a divorce and family law Partner with the Law Offices of Paone, Zaleski & Murphy, with offices in Red Bank and Woodbridge.
